Fear

What is it that you fear most? I know what my best friend is thinking "COCKCROACHES!!!!" Hahaha...

I fear lotsa stuff.

1. COCKCROACHES!!!
2. No Money
3. Being n looking fat
4. reprimanded *even when i know i made a mistake*
5. so on so on so on....

Recently, i realize, the thing that i fear most is "Loneliness".

I hate the feeling when there is no one whom i can wake up to and say a sweet "Good morning".
I hate the feeling when there is no one there to sayang me when i suffer from the SMALLEST paper cut.
I hate the feeling when i go back home sit in my room with no sms to ask "You home sweetie?"
I hate the feeling when im reminded that im lonely, abandoned, unwanted.

I know all of the above sound silly, but aint those what you enjoy the most when you are in love? Hahaha... I know, my dear friends who are reading this will start to protest: "WEI!!!! You think we are dead ah? We not here for you meh?"

I know, i always appreciate how much my friends are willing to stand by me, when they know im broken. Even if it means to show the world that his mouth is swollen, he will still leave the house and travel down just to console me. Thanz Chee keong! And even if it means to risk to injure her lower back further, she insisted on cycling out of her "Ulu" private housing just to be there for me. Thanz Teng!

Unforturnately, there is still a difference between friends and "partner". What is it exactly? You tell me... coz i have no idea how to put it in words.

Yet again, my other side of me is telling me that "No, you do not need a partner. All you need is someone who is close, thats all" Frankly, which guy on earth will allow you to "look for him only when you are too free and lonely?" I can think of only two types of guys who will allow.

1. Social Escort *which you gotta pay*
2. GAY who needs a smoke partner to appease the parents

So, if there is any gay who is willing to marry me just to have a smoke relationship, i dun mind. I just dun wanna feel unwanted. At least, im appease psychologically. Hhahahaha....